inworldofchaos

LIFE in a World of Chaos

and the cycle begins again…

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Depression in itself is a tough battle to overcome. We all go thru it in some points of our lives, though in far different ranges.

My husband, the father of my kids goes thru spells of depression & combat PTSD along with it. I am helpless and weak as the cycle of life begins again.

Where do I fit in? It’s a tough question to answer. I cannot imagine what he goes thru and I am afraid to even delve in the horrors of his ghosts past. It pains me to see him go thru this cycle over and over again. The distance and social withdrawal that comes with this cycle is what pains me the most. It creates tension in our home and it scares me endlessly. It scares me,  because his ability to think clear and make reasonable judgement is clouded by his fears and anger, hence he picks up project people along the way. To feel better of himself, I think. (He still couldn’t figure that one out either.)
Though painful as it may seem, at the end of the day, I assure him all is well and let him know I am by his side, just reach out when you want me to be a part of it, or need me to pull him out in the abyss of his hell.
In truth, I am dying inside. For our childrens sake, I have to be strong and be the pillar for him when he needs to pull himself back to reality. I have to be the light that shines his path back to our home. I have to be the one that makes sense out of all the chaos of his thoughts. I have to be the one who can make his stone cold heart beat back to life-

I won’t give up and I will never leave. I will be here beside you and journey this battle with you together.

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!

© Katz Lukenovich 2016

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