inworldofchaos

LIFE in a World of Chaos

Archive for the category “Drama”

…the chaos within-

This one’s a late upload-

…it’s been months since the man and I were able to spend time alone together. To talk sensibly about our lives, finances, marriage and the goals we are trying to accomplish. So far, he’s been avoiding the issues and his part in this journey. He’s been very irresponsible, selfish and he’s been very arrogant when DQ and AD is around. 

I feel like he’s trying to show off and prove something to them that I am always pissed off or jealous that he’s always hanging around them. Truth is I am actually not pissed off. However, I am disappointed that he would do such childish act, just like the time as I walk through the doors from an hours drive home from work. I look forward to his kisses and hugs and the little musings how his day went. Instead, the minute I walk in through the door, for as long as DQ and AD are around he would yell and act pissed off and would scurry to DQ’s room and hide there. However, when they’re nowhere in sight, he is loving, he gives me a hug and kisses and speaks to me in a normal tone, then when he realized they are around, he starts acting pissed off or irritated at me (like switching a light).

What have I done? What did I do? 

This drama is exhausting and draining me out emotionally and mentally. 

 © Katz 2016

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and the cycle begins again…

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Depression in itself is a tough battle to overcome. We all go thru it in some points of our lives, though in far different ranges.

My husband, the father of my kids goes thru spells of depression & combat PTSD along with it. I am helpless and weak as the cycle of life begins again.

Where do I fit in? It’s a tough question to answer. I cannot imagine what he goes thru and I am afraid to even delve in the horrors of his ghosts past. It pains me to see him go thru this cycle over and over again. The distance and social withdrawal that comes with this cycle is what pains me the most. It creates tension in our home and it scares me endlessly. It scares me,  because his ability to think clear and make reasonable judgement is clouded by his fears and anger, hence he picks up project people along the way. To feel better of himself, I think. (He still couldn’t figure that one out either.)
Though painful as it may seem, at the end of the day, I assure him all is well and let him know I am by his side, just reach out when you want me to be a part of it, or need me to pull him out in the abyss of his hell.
In truth, I am dying inside. For our childrens sake, I have to be strong and be the pillar for him when he needs to pull himself back to reality. I have to be the light that shines his path back to our home. I have to be the one that makes sense out of all the chaos of his thoughts. I have to be the one who can make his stone cold heart beat back to life-

I won’t give up and I will never leave. I will be here beside you and journey this battle with you together.

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!

© Katz Lukenovich 2016

Just for laughs-

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So i saw this in my facebook page just moments ago-

I didn’t pay much attention, so i read it again and yes, they used that excuse 🙂

© Katz_L 2013

How much is too much crabs?

It’s one of those days…that one boring day and you’re out of ideas and excuses of what to do and where to go, so you go on a food trip-

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So there’s this plate with lobster tail & crab legs- but that’s not enough…there’s more…

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There’s this childs plate, so she too can enjoy- but that’s still not it…

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…and then, there’s my plate. Now i know i could die from this. I am allergic to prawns, lobsters and crabs eversince i was a little girl. However, i’ve always made sure to eat at least three to five pieces of prawns when i can, just so my system can get used to this delicious and scrumptious feast.
Needless to say, it was worth it- i enjoyed the cracking, the pulling of the meat..the effort of cracking that shell and finding out how fat the meat is and, oh how sweet and tender they feel on your tongue-

So today, when i woke up looking at the welts on my face, that itchiness and lumps in my througt, i realized just how much i really love prawns, lobsters, oysters, mussles and crabs…i would die eating them.
So how about you? Do you have food allergies that you know of and eat them anyways?

Have a great day everyone. Enjoy this beautiful day!

© Katz_L 2013

smart ass

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Oh tweety! You look so adorable when you’re grumpy-

© Katz 2013

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